Drizzt Do'Urden's Very Bad Day
by BookFreak
Summary: Drizzt is about to embark on an adventure, but first he has a string of accidents. Please review. Suggestions for the adventure also welcome. FOURTH CHAPTER UP!! Entreri and Drizzt finally meet! FIFTH CHAPTER PREVIEW: The duo brawl w/ crutches + forks!!
1. An unpleasant morning

Drizzt Do'Urden's Very Bad Day(s)

Drizzt Do'Urden's day began well enough. In fact, it began very well. He did 3 more pushups than normal, his fried eggs and toast were unusually delicious, and the woods hummed with pleasant birdsong.

But all good things must end, and Drizzt's ended the moment he spilled hot grease onto his arm. Things went rapidly downhill from there. Drizzt dropped the hot skillet and lunged for the cool, gushing stream. Gritting his teeth, he wiped his burnt arm on the only grease-absorbant material at hand: his rough-woven pants. Then he sprawled out onto the ground, plunging his arm into the stream.

Drizzt sighed. The cool water of the gentle stream soothed his burn; Drizzt smiled and reached into his pocket for a salve. His fingers touched something wet and slimy. The salve had spilled out of its jar. Drizzt scraped at the surface...

"OOOOOOWWWWWWW! GODS DAMN! _GODS **DAMN**_!" The woods resounded with the unfortunate drow's shrieks as the 'salve' clamped three rows of needle-sharp teeth onto Drizzt's fingers. Drizzt flailed his arms, and hurled the deathtooth frog across the stream. His index finger was already swelling up; Drizzt squeezed the wrist hard with his left hand, flexing his fingers energetically under the water. Ugly tendrils of blood and blueish toxins misted out into the water. 

---====LATER====---

"Ahem...ooh...interesting...hmm..." The healer rummaged about in his drawer, then brought out a wicked-looking needle probe. "Well, you've got yourself a major infection there...surprised you're still alive, really..."

Drizzt watched in horror as the Dr. Kuack summoned more light globes with rapid-fire finger snaps, then tilted Drizzt's monstrous index finger. "Wha - &*^(^!!!!"

The doctor jerked his probe out and fairly tumbled off his chair. Twinkle whistled, splattering blood onto the walls. The door cracked open; Kuack Jr. peered in, unconcerned. Such exclamations were not uncommon.

Kuack frowned. "Dad?" he asked uncertainly. He opened the door farther, glimpsing Dr. Kuack's still form and the hooded patient's bloody blade. "What happened in here?!" he cried, snatching up a long scalpel from the tray beside the door.

"Sorry?" offered Drizzt regretfully, staring at the doctor lying on the floor.

"You killed him!" the son screamed. "Die, fiend!"

Please review! 


	2. a run in with a mob of angry patients

Kuack Jr. charged. Drizzt slapped his tiny 6-inch scalpel aside easily, trying just to get out without hurting anybody else. He was sure he hadn't killed the doctor; yet the evidence stared him right in the face.

Drizzt leapt forward and, catching the son's arm, threw him into a wall. He bit his lip as his swollen fingers scraped harshly against the rough lab coat. Blood spurted, and Drizzt abruptly realized that a large slice of his index finger had been neatly carved off. _Damn_, he thought, _he must've gotten me with that scalpel._ Sucking his somewhat smaller finger, he dashed out into the reception area.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing!" shouted a patient, face twisting with rage. "You killed the doctor! What the f^&% do ya think you're doing?"

He killed the doctor? That drowface killed the Miyth-damned doctor?Idiot! Get 'im! The room buzzed, faces scowling and eyes narrowing in anger. A brawny lumberjack thrust himself into Drizzt's hooded face. "My son needs that doctor! Gods damn you, b**ch! Rot in Tartarus!" He drew his axe and swiped, snarling.

"Yeah, that ____er just crippled me wife! Kill'im!" A soldier of the town guard let go of his bleeding wife and stood up, drawing his sword. His buddies followed, faces ugly with hate.

Drizzt backed up, uncertainly. He could handle them, but he didn't want to hurt anyone else. "Why don't we just pretend this never happened?" he suggested meekly.

"Pretend this di'nt happen, scum!" the lumberjack roared, chopping.

Drizzt jumped back, but the doctor's son leapt up and shoved him forward just in time for the axe to slice his cloak open. 

The room stood silent, astonished. Then one man muttered darkly, "I knew he was just like his kind, stinking lying murderer!"

"Y'can't trust 'em," chimed in another, raising clenched fists.

Hate glared out of every eye. A few, forsaking their ill ones, starting breaking up the furniture, grabbing chair legs and metal reinforcers. The room advanced ominously, slapping clubs to palms, teeth bared.

Ashamed of himself, Drizzt whirled and darted past the gaping son. Snatching up a chair, he leapt for the window, tucking himself behind the sturdy seat.

Outside, the startled townsfolk saw a real live drow fly out of the window in a spray of shattered glass, clutching a heavy chair like a shield. An instant later a screaming mob poured out of the window, waving curtain rods and bits of broken furniture.


	3. Helga drow killerKUACK'S SURPRISE

A/N:Yay! Two chapters in a single day! *grins* :)I'm in a very productive mood. Once again, any and all reviews are welcome.

Goodwife Helga was sweeping her steps one fine morning. As she collected the dust and dirt into a neat mound, a booted foot smacked down on it, scattering it. Shocked at such effrontery, Helga glanced at the man and saw two red eyes glaring out of a coal-black face. Numb with horror, for this was no doubt one of those drow her son had told her about, she brought her broomstick across the monster's knees with a loud _crack!_

Drizzt gaped as the stout lady whipped her broomstick across his knees smartly, tripping him as well as any spell. Before he had even hit the ground, the fearless woman smacked Twinkle from his hand with another hissing flick of her broomstick. He thumped onto the hard, dusty ground, his wind getting knocked out in a quick _whoosh_. Quietly, he moaned into the dirt, "I am really pathetic. I, who have fought demons, who rid the land of countless menaces, have just been disarmed and disabled by a lady with a broom."

The men rushed upon the drow, beating him mercilessly. Drizzt tried in vain to fend off the blows, but they rained upon him far too quickly. His hair was ripped at, his hands stomped on. Someone spat; another hurled a gob of horse dung. 

}}----------[AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE]----------{{

Dr. Kuack recovered from his fainting spell and stood up. Kuack Jr noticed, and shouted, "Dad! You're alive!"

"Why, yes! Oh, son, I was so scared!" Kuack replied. Father and son hug passionately.

"Dad? I have something to tell you..." the son started hesitantly.

"Yes?" Dr. Kuack lets go. He sees for the first time the ruin of what was once his clinic. "Son? Son! What happened?!" He gasped for air. 

Kuack Jr. grabs him. "It's okay, Dad! We can rebuild! They left a fortune in swords and things!"

"My office!" Dr. Kuack moaned. Louder, he wailed, "What happened to my _OFFICE_?!" He collapses onto his son, sobbing. 


	4. The Meeting

**A/N: Sorry for such a long wait. I've been swamped with school work. Gaahhh, civics class is evil**.

Artemis Entreri strolled his deadly way down the main avenue. Normally, he wouldn't come to such a pitiful little backwater of a village, but there had been rumors that Drizzt Do'Urden had once resided in the nearby forest. Artemis hungered for a chance to defeat Drizzt as a starving man hungers for food. The very thought of a defeated Drizzt Do'Urden yielding to his superior prowess was enough to banish sleep for the rest of the night, replaced by restless fantasies of the event.

A baker dashed out in front of Artemis, and the assassin pinned the unfortunate craftsman with a double-barrelled dagger glare. He jerked back. Artemis smirked as he strode by the terrified baker. No, not even a mauling from a pack of dire worms could scratch the deadly man's polish. He slowly rotated his injured wrist. It was healing nicely, already reduced to an angry pink stripe; the last village's Wisdom obviously knew his craft backwards and forwards.

Idly, Artemis wondered whether Drizzt was still in fighting form. Perhaps he had abandoned his foolishly noble quest and settled down to a quiet life with some woman, forsaking his blades for flock of fluffy-furred sheep and a warm bed at night. If so, this was certainly the place to do it. Most had never heard of Baldur's Gate, Waterdeep, Icewind Dale, or even Calimport. Almost everyone had a strange wolf-hunting contraption consisting of a crossbow stock attached to an octopus-like set of tension strips; however, few even knew how to hold a sword.

Then Artemist recalled Drizzt's indomitable spirit, his flashing lavender eyes and penchant for charging into other planes for friends. He let out a bark of laughter, muttering, "Fat chance of that!" No, Drizzt would be ready to fight. The sky would fall before the drow turned his back on combat. Artemis Entreri was certain of that. "You and I, we're two sides of a blade, drow," Artemis murmured softly. "Fighting is in your blood, _is_ your blood, as is mine." 

Artemis briefly considered waiting until his wrist had fully healed before confronting Drizzt. The drow was a devilish fighter; Artemis had a hell of a time defeating him even with magic neutralized and Kimuriel helping. Just as he completed the thought, Artemis rounded the corner...

And gaped in horror at the scene he saw before him. A mob of screaming townsfolk surrounded the drow, beating upon him with farming tools!

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO! OFF, FIENDS!" Artemis shrieked, drawing sword and dagger. The assassin descended like The Devil's Own Fury upon the citizens of Twelve Wars And Still Standing Mundane As Ever. In a trice five died under the raging human's flashing blades. The man seemed surrounded by a tornado of red-dripping steel, stopping any who dared approach he and the drow with a lightning combo that left the bold one staring at the many different organs of his own body - if he still had a body.

The few survivor's of Entreri's assault drew back, confused by the sight of a human defending a drow with his life. They, however, did not comprehend the complex mind of Artemis Entreri, who yearned to face off against the dark elf. To the Calimport-born assassin, it seemed the obvious choice to ensure that Drizzt reached the battlefield alive.

Artemis fixed them with his patent-pending double barrelled dagger glare, one by one. Each glanced away quickly, quailing under his stormy glower. Without looking down, he stomped savagely upon Drizzt's hand, forcing the drow to release his boot dagger. He glared them down again, not speaking. A few began to edge away. Deciding that they were sufficiently cowed, Artemis growled, "This is none of your business. Return to your homes and say nothing." He swept his glare over them again. "Now!" he barked. Instantly they turned tail and fled. 

Entreri, however, had other ideas. He leapt, landing silently behind one unfortunate fellow. The first warning he got was Entreri's sword dropping down over his head, coming to rest just in front of his throat. The second was the pressure of Entreri's dagger above his kidneys.

"Where is the nearest doctor?" the assassin hissed, prodding the man's kidney.

The poor drunkard, only a few minutes before animated by mob mentality and prejudicial hatred, suddenly swooned backwards. Entreri just barely managed to jerk away in time to keep the falling man from impaling himself on Entreri's dagger.

Disgusted, Entreri turned back to Drizzt. "Get up, drow."

Drizzt didn't stir. Again Entreri ordered, "Up!" This time he emphasized it with a kick to the ribs.

That was exactly what Drizzt had been waiting for. THe drow curled his aching boady around the leg, dagger in hand. Entreri had no chance. He felt the dagger dive deep into his knee, then Drizzt's body jerk in a twisting undulating. Entreri's knee popped out of its socket with a wet _crack!_ The surprised assassin went down, although he managed to fall over the drow. The two grappled silently, painfully, punctuating their no-holds-barred brawl with short, agonized grunts and gasps for air. Entreri, however, was more experienced. Siezing a nearby rock, he bashed it down into a particularly nasty gash on Drizzt's forehead. Drizzt rammed his knee into Entreri's crotch, eliciting a bitten-off howl. Again and again the stone descended, brutally pulverizing the flesh and bone of Drizzt's chest and shoulder.

The two lay there, limbs tangled, panting softly and glaring hatred. Slowly, trembling with fatigue, Entreri's arm raised again, poising the rock for another strike. Drizzt, however, beat him to it. Twisting to raise both arms, fingers entwined, the drow clubbed the assassin. Artemis fainted, his suddenly limp arm bringing the stone down once more.

Drw and human, goodly ranger and evil assassin, the pair remained there on the street, unconscious.

**A/N: Whew! That was a lot longer than any of my previous chapters. How do you like it? Please review!**


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